Dangers of forgetting texting

When we were teenagers, my brother and I started playing tennis in a public park not far from our house. Raz was a great athlete, while, on the other hand, I was more like a train wreck. I had had Athlete Ability but no real opportunity to practice because I grew up playing the piano.

Raz always sent the ball first, not because of any agreement but because I was so happy to spend time with him that I gave up everything he wanted. He bounced the ball a few times as I waited in nervous anticipation on the other side of the court, both hands wrapped around the racket, my body turning from side to side, just as I’ve seen John McEnroe do countless times on TV.

But as I’ve found, the only thing we and John have in common is our explosive temper. A fierce competitor, Raz was hitting the ball through the net with the force of a cannonball. My legs simply weren’t fast enough to get to the right place at the right time. “damn it!” I was screaming, “Don’t hit her hard!”

Sometimes he would intentionally take his sweet time on duty, which frustrated me even more. Nervous and worried, I’ll analyze body language, hoping to outdo him and figure out his strategy, which never happened. I was constantly running back and forth across the court, and my racket and the body he was holding were not able to get the ball back over the net.

The rare time I hit the ball, I’ll be excited, fully expecting to be involved in a shot. no. He was hitting her with such fierce force, of course I would miss her. In the end, I was raising my hand in the air and shouting, “Can’t we play a normal game, like the one we see on TV?!”

We went like this for almost an entire summer. We never played a normal game, but every time he asked me to play, I would pick up my racket and head to the park, hoping things would be different. As a result, my body and my feelings took a beating. I will go from excitement to hope to frustration to annoyance, then back to excitement to frustration to anger.

In short, I felt helpless, as if nothing I had done seemed to change the way he played.

It’s funny that I felt the exact same way years later when I tried to navigate Online dating and the horror of toxic text messages, which I consider forgetting text messages (TMT).

Texting ups and downs while dating

New relationships can be tricky, especially when connecting with someone usually happens through some form of technology. Whether you’re meeting someone on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, or at a party, the way to connect after that first contact is likely to be via text message.

With texting, you don’t benefit from eye contact, body language, or the magic of sharing physical space. You have to count on a few words that pop up on your phone screen to know if someone is interested or not.

Texting back and forth in the early stages of a potential relationship can make you feel a lot like when you played tennis with my brother: weak. You’re always on the other side of the field, nervous and anxious, waiting for the other person to hit the ball so you can figure out which direction to go.

There is excitement when you receive the first text message: “So nice to meet you. Have a nice day.” You are full of hope: Maybe they are really interested; Otherwise, they wouldn’t text me. I immediately texted them: “I’m having a good day. How about you?”

You check the phone every few minutes to see if it responds, and frustration takes advantage of you when you realize there is nothing. Do you think: j for frivolity? Why are they texting me and then not following up? This is ridiculous.

You go from feeling frustrated to annoyed, thinking you’ll probably forget about them when a new text message pops up on your phone a few days later, unfortunately. Excitement cycles through your veins, and your heart skips a beat as you read it. “Sorry, I got busy. What are your plans for this weekend?”

You are now beyond hope because clearly They imply a meeting. She immediately responds, thinking their initial silence was one-time. “I don’t have much to plan. what about you?”

Silence. repeatedly.

You go right back into outright frustration, annoyance, and anger, and you’re waiting for the person to “serve the ball” again, and this pattern will likely repeat many times. After a few weeks, you don’t know them better, and you’re no closer to meeting face to face. But you can’t seem to stop playing the game.

Does this sound familiar?

Forgetting texting is toxic and mentally draining, and the effect on your mental health is real.

I have worked with many clients whose primary concern is not knowing how to deal with worry And the emotional distress that comes with the inconsistent exchange of text messages back and forth in Acquaintance Globalism.

Playing texting tennis can lead to unhealthy thought patterns in which you over-analyze and reflect on each message, hoping to figure out their strategy and create a new one for yourself. Why didn’t they text me again? Maybe I should wait to text them; Otherwise, they’ll think I’m desperate. But what if they think I don’t care? how long should I wait?

These thought patterns can lead to anxiety, which can potentially interfere with your daily life. Concentration And focus can become a struggle, and try as you might, never seem to completely take off your phone and resume doing all the other things that make you happy.

This toxic game can make you angry and irritable, and in some cases make you doubt yourself. Maybe I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not pretty enough, I’m not rich enough, I’m not great enough, not enough for something.

Studio Light and Shadow / iStock

Source: Studio Light and Shade / iStock

Even worse, the emotional fluctuations of inconsistent communication can be addictive and can trick you into staying in the game. With each new message, you go from feeling frustrated in the pranks to feeling excited and hopeful, and you can’t help but think they’re finally ready to play a normal game, except they never did.

so, what are you doing? Here are some practical tips.

1. Determine your goal.

Before engaging in a game, be very clear about what you want. Do you want a committed relationship, or are you OK with a casual situation? Deciding what you want will help you decide how you play the game.

2. Play it your way.

Text them first, if you’re comfortable with that, and give them a chance to engage in a healthy back-and-forth. Inevitably, they will show you how to play and what they want.

3. Stay in line on the field.

Unless you’re a mind reader, overthinking or analyzing someone else’s text messages to figure out their strategy is an epic waste of time and mental drain. If you want to avoid feeling anxious or discouraged, stay focused on your side of the court and keep doing all the things that make you happy, no matter what.

4. Choose experience over optimism.

If it consistently takes a few days to respond to you every time you send a message, make a decision for yourself based on what you’ve been through so far versus what might happen.

Conclusion

Always remember that there must be two people on the court to play the game, and if you realize that the other player is very determined to win versus call, by all means, pick up your racket, get off the court, and go find the right player for you.